From the Book ‘Silent Cries of Sexual Abuse and a New Hope’
A child is never responsible for the abuse! Even if they were to cuddle up to a parent that abuses them, a child is not looking for abuse. A child is always looking for love, for a sense of belonging, acceptance and safety. However, the atmosphere of the abuse (fear, shame, terror, adrenaline, disgust mingled with excitement or arousal, pain, feeling trapped …) can alas become addictive and will drive the perpetrator to engage in child abuse over and over again. And quite some people will still falsely claim that it is okay for a husband who doesn’t get sexual satisfaction from his wife to seek such satisfaction from a child. This is not okay in any case! This is not human nature but rather a gross example of sexual deviation.
From the Book ‘Silent Cries of Sexual Abuse and a New Hope’
“Until a person resolves and clears their body and psyche of the effects left by abuse, it is very difficult for them to function normally. Outwardly, they may appear highly functional, but inwardly they are overwhelmed by all kinds of worries and distress.
From the Book ‘Silent Cries of Sexual Abuse and a New Hope’
A way out of even the most severe traumatic experience is possible. Hope always exists, even if it is necessary to seek professional help. It is not true that those who have been abused will never again be able to live a life worthy of a human being; on the contrary—once they process the trauma, they can become very compassionate, understanding, self-confident, and happy as parents and partners.”
From the Book ‘Silent Cries of Sexual Abuse and a New Hope’
The difference between a respectful, loving touch and a sexually abusive touch is primarily in the intention of the adult (are you doing this to help a child or to be sexually aroused …).
Hugging and kissing a child, giving them a bath or even touching their anus (like when rectally administering a medicine) can mean proper love and care in healthy circumstances – but it can also be abusive. The main difference is really in the intention of the adult and their inner approach whilst doing something (is the child being treated with respect and cared for – or abused and taken advantage of?).
From the Book ‘Silent Cries of Sexual Abuse and a New Hope’
“If parents are too overwhelmed with the fact that their child has been sexually abused, this can also incapacitate them so they’re unable to react appropriately. A child will always share only as much as they will intuitively feel that an adult will be able to accept. Also, every question that an adult starts with “WHY” (e.g. Why didn’t you tell me sooner? Why did you keep going back?) will make the child feel as if the abuse was their fault. An abused child needs to be given the change to share gradually, as much as they can handle. The more compassion and support this child receives, the more likely it is they will share more. It is important that adults repeat and reaffirm things like: What happened to you was wrong and should never have happened. It was not your fault, even if you might feel guilty. Your body is beautiful, pure and innocent, not dirty or ugly as you perceive it. The only thing dirty or ugly is what that person did to you ….”
From the Book ‘Silent Cries of Sexual Abuse and a New Hope’
Psychotherapy is intended for anyone who wishes for change and has found themselves in distress, or who wants to explore the past and past traumatic experiences and resolve their impact on present life. In all forms of sexual abuse, the perpetrator deliberately exploits the child’s vulnerability. The child always feels (regardless of age) that boundaries have been crossed, but most often, out of fear and horror, simply freezes and becomes numb. The child has no choice! They are caught in the perpetrator’s claws—someone who was not worthy of their trust, someone who may have just moments earlier told them that they loved them. The child is confused, feels guilty and dirty for participating in the abusive “game,” feels ashamed because their body is exposed, is afraid that someone might find out, and at the same time wishes that other adults would notice and protect them from further abuse. If the abuse has been happening since early childhood and was even the only way the perpetrator (someone from the family) made contact with them or showed them attention, the child will be all the more insecure.
From the Book ‘Silent Cries of Sexual Abuse and a New Hope’
“The most terrible things have already happened to you. The earthquake is over! What you are feeling and experiencing now is just the aftershock. All you are feeling now – these are the feelings that you couldn’t possibly feel fully then (during the abuse), or you would not have survived. This is just the aftershock, believe me. If you were able to survive all this terror was a small child, when the abuse was taking place, you are more than able to survive today, as an adult, when the abuse is but a memory, be it vivid or suppressed. But I do understand that you might feel quite the opposite – that the abuse itself was less terrible than its merciless consequences.
From the Book ‘Silent Cries of Sexual Abuse and a New Hope’
So no matter what you feel today or how terrible it might be – these are just feelings. It is only anger. It is only fear. It is only sadness. It is only disgust. You have been living with this for years and years and didn’t even know it. It was suppressed. And now you’ve done so many steps that your body and your psyche allow you to feel absolutely everything as you have become strong enough to face it. You no longer need to carry these burdens. Don’t let that small child keep on silently crying within you – hold them in your arms and show them respectful compassion. Give that inner child what they were lacking for years, what their mother, father or other important adults who couldn’t give them even though it was their DUTY to protect you and take care of you. Just keep on going, one step at a time, even if you sometimes need to take a step back on your way forward.